My Trip To Heaven-Final part

[editor]

Continuation of My Trip to Heaven part 3
 
ktys1

Posted: Nov 8, 07 7:24am

As I lived my life after that day, or should I say night, I had a sense of "knowing" that I had God there "if ever I needed Him" but as I looked around and observed how so many others had it so much worse than I did, I did not call out his name, but I kept that 'knowing' inside of me.

Life had dished out plenty of heartaches for me as I grew older, like everyone, I met people who were hurtful and unkind, and experienced painful emotional experiences and losses. Still, I did not call out his name.... but I had a knowing.

Nearly 35 years later, I had met a man online, we were living only a few miles away from each other and after several months of chatting online, we finally met,

When we met the very first time, I felt as if I had known him forever, I wondered if he was one of the people I had met that night with Jesus, but I had no memory, only a feeling.

Long story short, we fell in love and I later discovered that he was a Mormon and married, Upon that discovery, he tried to leave both the church and his wife, returning to the church but separating from his wife, although not ever divorcing as far as I know. He was so confused about God, he had told me that God was punishing him and that God had caused him to lose a great deal of money in a dot com he had created, he was angry at God and God was angry at him.

I did not know much about God or religion at that time, so I asked some Christians that I knew, "if someone told you that they had turned their back on God, what scripture would you use to help them understand the truth?" I was directed nearly daily by my sister in law and a few others to passages in the bible and I began to see this Mormon man that I so dearly loved, was comitting the ultimate sin, blasphemy against the holy spirit, by denying God into his life, he denied the "comforter" that Jesus spoke of, the Holy Spirit.

I learned about the history of the Mormon Church and the teachings, and began to see how misdirected he was about God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I tried to help him to understand as I was learning as I read the scriptures I was directed to. I began to pray each night for him to understand.

He went back to his wife, we parted ways for months, he returned to the LDS church as well where he was treated as an outcast, as his wife had informed the bishop and everyone knew he had "sinned" he was eventually excommunicated and that meant mandatory attendance and denial of what we call 'communion' another way of letting others know he had 'fallen from grace and sinned'.

He kept returning to me, and told me he was trying to get a divorce and that he had no interest in attending the mormon church again. Only to return in another three or four months, This back and forth on and off again behavior was so painful to me, it was so disrupting of my life.

I decided one day, to go to a large park, it was on November 19th, my daughters birthday, the weather was cold, lightly snowing so there was no one in the park, I sat on a swing and there in the snow, opened my heart to God, I humbly apologized for not being able to help this mormon man to see the truth about Him, I asked God to forgive me for my failure, and explained that I had never really been a church going person and I probably just did not know how to convey the message, it was my failure, I apologized with tears in my eyes, I began to cry out to God, on the behalf of Michael, this mixed up Mormon man that I had fallen in love with, I completely lost my 'self' as if I had no body or being, I asked God to take away the pain I was experiencing from this man coming into my life and loving me and then walking out without a good bye, and devastating me. I asked God to help him to understand the truth about God and to lift his confusion and to clarify the false teachings of the LDS church for him to truly be able to know God one day, (although I did not truly know God myself at that moment) I

I cried out HIs name, in tears and a broken voice, I cried out to Jesus to take the confusion from this man, so that he could stop suffering in his spirit. I was selfless, thinking only of Michael and his attitude against God and the sadness and confusion that I saw him in.

The moment that I cried out to Jesus, and was filled with the 'knowing' that I had had since that day I walked with him, something happened to ME! The same feeling of comfort and joy I had when we walked together and He spoke to me of his love for us all and how he would never abandon or forsake any of us, filled my heart, I began to stop crying and I felt that Jesus took the burden off of me, I still had my eyes closed, from crying, and felt myself be lifted upward although I was not swinging, I felt as if I was floating upward, as this happened my heart was no longer filled with sadness that I had failed God, but was filled with the "knowing" the faith that God was in control and that all I had to do was to call out his name.

As I drove home from the park, and walked into my bedroom, I picked up an old bible that had belonged to an aunt that had passed away, I opened it up to 1Peter 3:16-20, and I realized that I had been filled with the Holy Spirit, that God had entered my heart, that I now had a relationship with Him that I had heard so much about from Christians I had known.

I was spirit filled.

I have always felt that it was my gift from God for being selfless in concern for another persons spiritual confusion and attitude against God, I prayed so hard that day, for someone else, when I finally "called out His name" He answered the call by entering my heart.

I have changed a great deal from that day, but it was this experience that allowed me to let Michael return and leave and return again, pledging his love to me, only to get lost in his confusion and fear of his loss of salvation and leave again and again. I later learned that Michael has Bordeline Personality DIsorder and the shame and guilt of the Mormon church is probably the worst thing he could endure, and yes he has returned to the LDS world, knowing the true history and the fraud that Joseph Smith was, and after living here swearing he would never step foot in a mormon meeting house again after what he has learned of Brigham Young and Joseph Smith and the murders and polygamy and bank fraud.

It is because God is in my heart that I feel such a sense of sorrow for him, and that I have a special love for him because, I had gone selfless to God on his behalf and God filled me with the Holy Spirit, which allows me to truly know how to love.